You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just invented taco cereal.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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