It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
