why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
