So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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