we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
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