I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Is that strawberry winking at me??
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
