just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
