ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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