He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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