you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
