So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
