It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
the liver wants what the liver wants
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
