I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
