whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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