Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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