He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
