do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
