I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
