Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
