My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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