11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
