fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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