Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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