apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
