Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
do herpes really smell.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
