if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
