Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
