i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
