i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
