The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
