what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
