oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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