people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
