____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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