it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
