you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
