Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
