It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
