My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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