I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
This is the high leading the old right now
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
