can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
