I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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