I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
