Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
