I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
