whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
