someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
