he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
