Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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