If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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