Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
