my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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